4 June 2011
I really wish I could keep up all my adventures but I'm too ADD! Coty is in town so we've been partying alot. Big 90's party last night. I blacked out the whole night. I'm pretty sure I was rufied but no one believes me. Here is what I have pieced together. I had two mixed drinks and then took something I thought was going to be X from a Rando but instead of rolling I continued drinking... A LOT. Then pinned Kayla down on a couch making out with her. Then I continued drinking and finally had what was practically sex with Charlie on the couch for everyone to see. Then I passed out relatively early. And this morning... I don't remember a single thing from all of that! Oh and Andrew says I passed out in his bed at some point and refused to get out. He says he had to yell at me and I almost cried. haha. Today he has called me "Little Miss Rufie" all day. Erk. Today we all drank and swam at David's. It was fun. Oh and I had probation yesterday- It suckked! $550 in fines to get me off the hook. :( I NEED a better job. Well Cassie, Mike, John, and I are watching Donnie Darko and probably are gonna pass out early so we can roll tomorrow. So for now- That is all!
Oh oh oh! Almost forgot! I met FetishBoy off of FetLife... One he's too cute. Two we had fun. ;) We drove around the 'boro and ended up at my little sister's school. We made out and I learned he's into ageplay so I got a spanking. Not that I minded... ;) But yeah- Good first meeting!
Oh yeah! And David gavie me his old iPhone so I have a phone again! It fucks up a lot but it's definitely better than nothing!
Oh oh oh! Almost forgot! I met FetishBoy off of FetLife... One he's too cute. Two we had fun. ;) We drove around the 'boro and ended up at my little sister's school. We made out and I learned he's into ageplay so I got a spanking. Not that I minded... ;) But yeah- Good first meeting!
Oh yeah! And David gavie me his old iPhone so I have a phone again! It fucks up a lot but it's definitely better than nothing!
5 June 2011
Cassie and I aren't doing shit today. Talking sex and being girls. Making our lists. haha. Mike and I slept in the basement and he tried SO hard! Definitely didn't happen. He kept saying "Can I just touch your boobs?" haha Silly 17 year olds. We may roll tonight but don't know yet.
10 June 2011
So I've been talking to Adam again- I really like him but Taylor doesn't and I trust her opinion. she met him on a bad night. I hope. He was drunk and high and hanging out with two 16 year old girls. My only problem with him is how into drugs he is. I don't want that constantly in my life. I guess we'll have to see. Fuckface Brother and I got into a HUGE fight this week. He got kicked out (temporarily) for threatening me. Oh and while stressed last night Chris decided to "test" me- He pretended to pass out drunk on the concrete. I apparently "failed" due to my annoyance but I did walk half a mile to a bar to find friends just in case. Brad stayed with me last night because I had a rough night- It was so comfortable. He comforted me in a way no one ever can. Simply being in his arms; but when we made out there just isn't any chemistry. That's the difference between Charlie and Brad. Charlie turns me on, excites me, and challenges me. While Brad makes me feel safe and comfortable. Well my boss is here so I'm headed to the Duck Race to advertise for work.
[[Sidenote: MTSU adopted smoke-free campus. I'm quitting school not smoking! :) TFM]]
Oh and I adopted a new catch phrase from David's 21st birthday when we went out to Whiskey Dix. The girl at the door kept telling me I needed to pay and I already had my wrist band so I finally got mad and yelled "Bitch LEAVE ME BE!" haha.
[[Sidenote: MTSU adopted smoke-free campus. I'm quitting school not smoking! :) TFM]]
Oh and I adopted a new catch phrase from David's 21st birthday when we went out to Whiskey Dix. The girl at the door kept telling me I needed to pay and I already had my wrist band so I finally got mad and yelled "Bitch LEAVE ME BE!" haha.
17 June 2011
So maybe Taylor was right... Charlie isn't a bad guy- he's just messed up. He's so broken. He has ASPD which I did some research on and explains-a lot. The impulsive, reckless behavior and the disregard for social norms and laws. I really care about him and the past two wees have been nonstop Charlie and I (Well and Cow ) :) I sleep here. He calls me babe and hun. Obviously we have sex- good sex at that. I even cleaned for his yesterday. But I also know he is still "trying to figure things out" with T. Who's T? Oh only his mom's co-worker who is six years older than him and married. Yeah, No big! UGH!! Anyways I told him until he told me to go away I was staying with him and he said that was good. I could... okay probably am setting myself up for heartbreak but I need to... FML! Well yesterday was David's 21st so I went to BuffAsian's to drink with him. We went to Whiskey Dix and thanks for having no ID the cop had to verify my age but I still had to take just X's!! Sober at the club on my best friend's 21st was so not cool! Well I'm laying in Charlies's bed- he's at Walmart getting computer speakers. I have work at 2:30- not sure what's going on tonight though. Oh and joy I get to go see T for my rent. Yay! FML. Well I'm simply enjoying my time with Charlie until it's gone. :/
He's back and P.S. if he wasn't so fucking hot this would be SO much easier!
PSS On a brighter note- we got the Medford Campbel house. :)
He's back and P.S. if he wasn't so fucking hot this would be SO much easier!
PSS On a brighter note- we got the Medford Campbel house. :)
19 June 2011
" Why is the wind always present? Doesn't it take a day off? I did in school."
-John-
"Why are you punching me? I'm a fridge! (While punching the fridge.)"
-Charlie-
"I'm out of my tree. Jacob and I are spider mokeys. We go tree to tree. A vampire spider monkey."
-Charlie-
"Double the nothing. You can't do that."
-Jacob-
-John-
"Why are you punching me? I'm a fridge! (While punching the fridge.)"
-Charlie-
"I'm out of my tree. Jacob and I are spider mokeys. We go tree to tree. A vampire spider monkey."
-Charlie-
"Double the nothing. You can't do that."
-Jacob-
Yeah... They are on acid. Charlie is going back and forth on being sweet and a total dick. He keeps telling me how awesome and hot he his and that I'm weird (in a good way) and too shy. Mandrew just text me to tell me is his dtf. And is Charlie is all pissed. Cute since he is in love with T it shouldn't matter. Kinda wish I could be good enough but then I again maybe this freedom is just more fun.... Hmmm. More later.
Father's day cookout was great! We had a DJ come to the pool and we cooked out and drank! I drank beer and jager with my dad. Too cool. :)
20 June 2011
I think I'm clinically insane! Why do I stay here? Well because when I get my things and leave he gets sweet and says "please come back". It's 4:15 and he's still passed out. There is so much that works with Adam and I but so much wrong. Acid? Why am I around this? He's still hiding so much - including his relationship/feelings for a married woman way older than us! I'm so confused and conflicted! Well today is the fraternity's father's day cookout. Dad is coming! That'll take my mind off things for awhile.Father's day cookout was great! We had a DJ come to the pool and we cooked out and drank! I drank beer and jager with my dad. Too cool. :)
22 June 2011
Oh yeah. Time to catch up. So last night was my last night with Charlie before this trip and to say it was eventful is an understatement! Okay so Charlie's old roommate, Bitch, got an eviction notice two months ago and simply never came back. So last week Charlie broke in and rummaged the remains of her things which is perfectly legal- if she had actually been evicted! Well last night I worked both jobs which meant by the time I got home Charlie, Jacob, and SlutFriend were finishing round 13 of shot for shot. They had hit devastated. And of course that means beer run. lol When we got back we decided to go swimming and Cassie and John came. Despite the pool being rather crowded, SlutFriend winded up naked in the pool, screaming and doing flips. Well Cassie needed to charge her phone so we ran upstairs just in time for Bitch to bust in freaking out about her things. She told me to tell Charlie she's calling the cops so I ran to get him. He tried to apologize but Bitch was too mad to listen to anyone or anything. Charlie was freaking out about jail and his job and mom and where we would move, I did my best to comfort him. On the flip side SlutFriend and Jacob still very drunk came back about this time. It didn't take long for SlutFriend to dipset but Jacob got an underage. He was so belligerent he kept telling the cop he smelled bacon and asking for a cigarette. It took a long time but they gave Charlie no citation and took a polics report telling him "If her things magically appear in front of the door by tomorrow ya know... It could help, a lot!" He gave all her things back so we'll see how it goes. Yesterday I had to take Luna/ Cow so Charlie didn't get in more trouble. She ran errands with me most of the day but while Charlie and I went to McDonalds I left her at my apartment. In that 30 minutes Amanda found her and turned me in. Luckily, she turned me in to L. (You know, Charlie's mom?) who blew her off knowing I was just helping Charlie. :) Well I said my byes to Charlie, John, Jacob, etc. and then it was time for the hard one- Michael When I get back from my trip he will already be deployed. Luckily Michael's cavalier attitude keeps any situation a little easier! lol I got a huge Michael hug- I'm on the brink of tears when he pulls back, grins, and says "Bye. See you in a year!" haha We took a picture and then one more hug and that was that. Of course writing about him has me wanting to cry but let's hold it together a bit longer. So then it was cassieventure time! What's next? Nashville for the NKOTBSB concert! And Oh. My. God. I think I'm 13 again! I am not ashamed of my love for boy bands. :) It was much needed and so much fun! We left the back after and got to see Nick Carter! Then Cassie took me to the bus station. My bus is an hour behind and I've slept most of the trip so far but I'm almost to Wythville, VA now. I am stressed but that story is just going to have to come later.
25 June 2011
I guess I should probably write daily and not have to go on three page writing sprees. Eh. Oh well. The bus trip was LONG and I made a cute friend named Noah. He's 26 and we talked the whole trip- We even got in trouble by the bus driver like kids. When I got close to Richmond they told me we were running late so I missed my connection and would have to sit at the station from 7pm to 3am. So I called Alicia and Cameron and they came to get me. First stop? 7-11 for a Slurpee! We got to Alicia's and I showered and had dinner and then... slept in a bed. Ahh. Nice- Although I missed having Charlie beside me!
Day one:
I woke up and Faith came and got me- we took off for VA beach. we walked about a mile at the waters edge then took the board walk back. I got and "I love Virginia Beach" bracelet and a shot glass. I realized Faith is one of the few people I grew up with who didn't stay all straight edge. She has tried E, acid, and shrooms and she's an avid smoker. Someone I can relate to even though I don't do much of any of that. I guess that makes us the "bad kids". :) After the beach we went to get her bf and then went to a couple hippie stores. They took me to this amazing piece store where I got Charlie this cute purple piece. I sent him a picture and he loved it. :) After she took me back to Alicia's, Maddie came over. I got ready and then Alicia, Cameron, Maddie and I went to Saddle Ridge. Three red-headed sluts, four beers, and a fish bowl later- I was drunk! We sang karaoke and dance and rode the mechanical bull! :) It was a great night but then it was definitely bed time.
Day two:
I woke up a little later day two. Then met Robert at Walmart. He took up to Popeyes and got me dinner then red box to get "The Dilemma". We went to his place to watch it. It was hilarious! Then we went down to Buckroe and walked around until the storm shut the beach down. :/ I got to see the new dock though. He attempted to drive me back to Alicia's and we got lost.
Day one:
I woke up and Faith came and got me- we took off for VA beach. we walked about a mile at the waters edge then took the board walk back. I got and "I love Virginia Beach" bracelet and a shot glass. I realized Faith is one of the few people I grew up with who didn't stay all straight edge. She has tried E, acid, and shrooms and she's an avid smoker. Someone I can relate to even though I don't do much of any of that. I guess that makes us the "bad kids". :) After the beach we went to get her bf and then went to a couple hippie stores. They took me to this amazing piece store where I got Charlie this cute purple piece. I sent him a picture and he loved it. :) After she took me back to Alicia's, Maddie came over. I got ready and then Alicia, Cameron, Maddie and I went to Saddle Ridge. Three red-headed sluts, four beers, and a fish bowl later- I was drunk! We sang karaoke and dance and rode the mechanical bull! :) It was a great night but then it was definitely bed time.
Day two:
I woke up a little later day two. Then met Robert at Walmart. He took up to Popeyes and got me dinner then red box to get "The Dilemma". We went to his place to watch it. It was hilarious! Then we went down to Buckroe and walked around until the storm shut the beach down. :/ I got to see the new dock though. He attempted to drive me back to Alicia's and we got lost.
26 June 2011
So we ended up in Newport News - Came back. Ended up in Newport News again- came back and finally found it! When I got back I was "in trouble". I had a video from Saddle of Alicia riding the bull- I saw nothing wrong with it. So when I posted the pictures - I posted that video too. Well Husband got mad at Alicia so Alicia got mad at me. I thought it was stupid so I had Faith come get me. We got our free stamp into Saddle then went to Cole's to pregame. Faith, Cole, Me, Kim, and VTgirl did a few shots, drank a couple beers and played cornhole. It was funny 'cause when I got there Cole asked me to do a shot but since Kim was there I was hesitant but she says "I know you drink! I'm on your facebook!" All I could do is laugh and take the shot which was given up to me. :) Then around 10:30 we took off for Saddle. Between Cole, Faith and the randos who were amused by how bad my accent gets when I drink I had more than my fair share of drinks. It was a lot of fun! We dance and rode the bull (Oh no... I must be a slut.) and just had a blasty blast. :) That is until I realized just how drunk I was. I went to the bathroom to shit and security eventually came in and helped me up and out to find my friends. When I went to look outside the door man asked "Is she done?" Well I'm not stupid I just grinned and said "Oh I'm done!" then the security said I wasn't aloud back in. I sat down outside and ended up throwing up everywhere! I would have swore I was getting arrested but the cop just looked at me for the next 20 minutes. Oddly enough people kept coming to talk to me too! Some girl sat with me and some guy gave me his number! Eventually everyone came out looking for me. Cole was pretty drunk and kept asking who got us kicked out. Faith took me back to her place, I showered and passed out!
Day three:
When I woke up Faith and I sat on her balcony overlooking Willoughby Spit and talked. I love that place. The water, the docks, it's definitely still home to my heart. Faith and I have a friendship that lasted and it was really great. She eventually took me back to Alicia's where it was time to get ready for her bridal shower/cookout. I know I was short and distant but I was still upset over the bullshit from the day before. The cookout was was really nice. I saw the rest of the Alicia's family and a few others I recognized. Rando remembered me and I talked to her a lot. Everyone got pretty drunk but I didn't. I did kick ass at flip up with my new friend Blue (He had gorgeous blue eyes and I was tipsy enough to have no qualms about tell him so). I also finally got to see Hawaiian. One crush that just never ended. :) Hmm... Well mid party Charlie called- very drunk and very depressed. T broke his heart... not that it isn't his own damn fault. I'm at a loss with Charlie. I care about him and he's SO broken. Is he even good for though? I don't know what to do in this situation. He literally begged me to come back and told me I could live with him if I wouldn't run away from my problems. Ugh.
Day four:
So then there was today-Sunday. Kim and B picked me up for church. Calvary was- Calvary. Refreshing and much needed. Pastor gave a great message. CJ prayed with me and I cried. I would I could say I know what to do from here or I was going to have some huge life changing moment but I don't and I probably wont. I'm still angry and tired and just cold. I'm angry with my mom for everything she put me through, with my dad for being so passive, with Monkey for being the "loved" daughter, and even with God. I want to scream or cry... or both. But more on that later... I'm too emotionaly drained to deal with all that. I said lots of hello/goodbye's after church. Then Cole took me to his house. It was great being with his family I love Kim so much-She really is like a second mother to me. B walked in frm the store and said, "I need to do a shot with you." So Cole, B, and I took a shot of Fighting Cock-Ew. B said, "I heard you can drink whiskey like water." haha. It made me smile, wonder what life would have been like if stayed, and wish I had a family like this. Then Cole, Kim and I started painting the kitchen "cowpile/slip" yellow. It was a lot of fun. Cole kept saying he was getting asbestos in his eye. J is 14 now and huge! He's taller than me... Then an old friend from church came over to see me and that was really nice. Not too long after that Alicia came and picked me up. We went to Target, Victoria's Secret, and The Sports Fan. (They sell Patriots things here!) When we got back to Alicia's I passed out on the couch. he woke me up and told me I had to go with her to get Husband but I just wanted to be alone. So I walked down to the water's edge and started writing. I told Alicia if I moved down here it probably wouldn't be with her and learned what I suspected- Husband doesn't like me much. Which is fine, I guess. He seems nice enough- He just doesn't accept different well and I don't fit in his box of "right" or "normal". So I'm sitting by the water in love with the view trying to figure my life out. I'm 21, being evicted, not sure how I'm finishing college, lost in my view of God, and feeling pretty alone. So what do I do? Do I stay in TN and make it on my own? Do I move towards family and rely on them to get me back on my feet? Or do I come home? I have a church, my second family, Cole and Faith. So many decisions to be made! I'm gonna look at ODU's photogrpahy program and talk to MTSU's financial adivsors. I'm going to pro and con everything little thing and pray till I'm blue. Something has to make sense eventually.
Clearing up old things:
Day three:
When I woke up Faith and I sat on her balcony overlooking Willoughby Spit and talked. I love that place. The water, the docks, it's definitely still home to my heart. Faith and I have a friendship that lasted and it was really great. She eventually took me back to Alicia's where it was time to get ready for her bridal shower/cookout. I know I was short and distant but I was still upset over the bullshit from the day before. The cookout was was really nice. I saw the rest of the Alicia's family and a few others I recognized. Rando remembered me and I talked to her a lot. Everyone got pretty drunk but I didn't. I did kick ass at flip up with my new friend Blue (He had gorgeous blue eyes and I was tipsy enough to have no qualms about tell him so). I also finally got to see Hawaiian. One crush that just never ended. :) Hmm... Well mid party Charlie called- very drunk and very depressed. T broke his heart... not that it isn't his own damn fault. I'm at a loss with Charlie. I care about him and he's SO broken. Is he even good for though? I don't know what to do in this situation. He literally begged me to come back and told me I could live with him if I wouldn't run away from my problems. Ugh.
Day four:
So then there was today-Sunday. Kim and B picked me up for church. Calvary was- Calvary. Refreshing and much needed. Pastor gave a great message. CJ prayed with me and I cried. I would I could say I know what to do from here or I was going to have some huge life changing moment but I don't and I probably wont. I'm still angry and tired and just cold. I'm angry with my mom for everything she put me through, with my dad for being so passive, with Monkey for being the "loved" daughter, and even with God. I want to scream or cry... or both. But more on that later... I'm too emotionaly drained to deal with all that. I said lots of hello/goodbye's after church. Then Cole took me to his house. It was great being with his family I love Kim so much-She really is like a second mother to me. B walked in frm the store and said, "I need to do a shot with you." So Cole, B, and I took a shot of Fighting Cock-Ew. B said, "I heard you can drink whiskey like water." haha. It made me smile, wonder what life would have been like if stayed, and wish I had a family like this. Then Cole, Kim and I started painting the kitchen "cowpile/slip" yellow. It was a lot of fun. Cole kept saying he was getting asbestos in his eye. J is 14 now and huge! He's taller than me... Then an old friend from church came over to see me and that was really nice. Not too long after that Alicia came and picked me up. We went to Target, Victoria's Secret, and The Sports Fan. (They sell Patriots things here!) When we got back to Alicia's I passed out on the couch. he woke me up and told me I had to go with her to get Husband but I just wanted to be alone. So I walked down to the water's edge and started writing. I told Alicia if I moved down here it probably wouldn't be with her and learned what I suspected- Husband doesn't like me much. Which is fine, I guess. He seems nice enough- He just doesn't accept different well and I don't fit in his box of "right" or "normal". So I'm sitting by the water in love with the view trying to figure my life out. I'm 21, being evicted, not sure how I'm finishing college, lost in my view of God, and feeling pretty alone. So what do I do? Do I stay in TN and make it on my own? Do I move towards family and rely on them to get me back on my feet? Or do I come home? I have a church, my second family, Cole and Faith. So many decisions to be made! I'm gonna look at ODU's photogrpahy program and talk to MTSU's financial adivsors. I'm going to pro and con everything little thing and pray till I'm blue. Something has to make sense eventually.
Clearing up old things:
- Mary cheated on Dan. :( They broke up sadly.
- Micheal and Brad left for Afganistan. I don't think this one has hit me yet.
- Cassie is kinda with B's roomate Neal after a mini thing with one of the new brothers but is dont with Adam finally.
- Closest I'll ever come to being bi is with Kayla- We have date nights now and I call her my girlfriend but no... I don't like vagina. :)
- T chose her husband and Charlie is depressed and being an alcoholic.
27 June 2011
It's 4pm and I'm almost to Roanoke. Charlie picks me up in Nashville at 2:15am. My last night went well. We had tacos and then went for froyo. I told Charlie how much Cameron hit on me to the point of saying if I kissed him "Charlie would never know." He got really jealousand kept demanding his phone number. I pacified him by telling him how much I miss him. The trip is long and I'm ready to be home even though I have a lot to face. I talked to T today - She says if I can't pay today I'm evicted. Which since I'm on a buss till 2am. I guess we know how that's gonna go. Oh and my passing thought is starting to scare me. I still haven't started. It hit me hard today when I realized I've peed four times and only had one slurpee. I'm about ready to go into complete freak out mode. I'm gonna try and nap. Hopefully not wake up till Knoxville!
Made it to Roanoke- Next stop Wythville. SO over this bus ride! Got a quick smoke break though.
Leaving Wythville. Got Mcdonalds-peed AGAIN. Four hours to Knoxville now.
It's midnight. I'm leaving Knoxville. Two more hours. Met a Rando name Jake at this layover who let me call Charlie. Cute kid- fresh out of high school coming home form Young Life camp. We watched some crazy guy we called "Tweeker" who walked around talking to himself, then ate peanut butter from the jar with a knife and finally played with a plastic bag that we eventually decided he was making into a bomb. Luckily we got on the bus before he finished. :) Two more hours and Charlie picks me up in Nashville! Then when I get home I get to see John, Cassie, and Hayley. Oh I started a poem today... I suck at poetry but here is what I have...
Home is where the heart is but my heart is broken.
I want you to hold me but you can only know a piece.
Push past my walls-Please tear down this fence.
But the me that you see is still incomplete.
I found myself or lost myself but who know when?
Do I search for who I was? Would who I am cease?
With these scars I'm hiding- Nothing makes sense.
Is it too late to turn around or too early to give up?
When home is unclear and the next step is missing--
Do I push on and fight or admit I'd been beat?
Made it to Roanoke- Next stop Wythville. SO over this bus ride! Got a quick smoke break though.
Leaving Wythville. Got Mcdonalds-peed AGAIN. Four hours to Knoxville now.
It's midnight. I'm leaving Knoxville. Two more hours. Met a Rando name Jake at this layover who let me call Charlie. Cute kid- fresh out of high school coming home form Young Life camp. We watched some crazy guy we called "Tweeker" who walked around talking to himself, then ate peanut butter from the jar with a knife and finally played with a plastic bag that we eventually decided he was making into a bomb. Luckily we got on the bus before he finished. :) Two more hours and Charlie picks me up in Nashville! Then when I get home I get to see John, Cassie, and Hayley. Oh I started a poem today... I suck at poetry but here is what I have...
Home is where the heart is but my heart is broken.
I want you to hold me but you can only know a piece.
Push past my walls-Please tear down this fence.
But the me that you see is still incomplete.
I found myself or lost myself but who know when?
Do I search for who I was? Would who I am cease?
With these scars I'm hiding- Nothing makes sense.
Is it too late to turn around or too early to give up?
When home is unclear and the next step is missing--
Do I push on and fight or admit I'd been beat?
28 June 2011
Wow... I'm home. That's for sure. Charlie, Jenna, and Cassie picked me up. Charlie and Jenna were rolling and Jenna simply wouldn't shut up. But on the way back Charlie was super sweet. Jenna needed a ride home about 4am so Charlie took her. Hayley, John and I stayed and played flip cup. By 5:30am I was worried about Charlie. He wasn't answering his phone and I started freaking a bit when the storm got bad. By 6am Hayley and I started driving around looking for him. By 7am I text his mom. Nothing. Eventually his mom let me know he went to his boss' to ask for his job back. I was going to leave but Hayley was supposed to come back form Paul's and there was a creepy rando black guy who wouldn't leave the apartment. So I laid in Charlie's bed. Rando dried his clothes and kept asking for a blanket, when I said there were none he asked if he could lay in Charlie's bed with me--more than once! It was super uncomfortable. Charlie came back at 11without a word and laid down. So I'm by the pool writing this before I go face the office. It scares me that I care... Maybe it's time to walk away...
<3 You don't need a girl like me...
I've got bruises you can't see.
And when the lights go out I wont be around.
You don't need a girl like me.
You can't have a heart like mine.
But you can hold it for awhile.
And even though you think you can...
You can't have a heart like mine. <3
<3 The way you move is like a full on rainstorm
And I'm a house of cards.
You're the kind of reckless that should send me running
But I kinda know I wont get far...
Drop everything now!
Meet me in the pouring ran.
Kiss on the sidewalk.
Take away the pain
'Cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile...
My mind forgets to remind me that you're a bad idea. <3
I've got bruises you can't see.
And when the lights go out I wont be around.
You don't need a girl like me.
You can't have a heart like mine.
But you can hold it for awhile.
And even though you think you can...
You can't have a heart like mine. <3
<3 The way you move is like a full on rainstorm
And I'm a house of cards.
You're the kind of reckless that should send me running
But I kinda know I wont get far...
Drop everything now!
Meet me in the pouring ran.
Kiss on the sidewalk.
Take away the pain
'Cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile...
My mind forgets to remind me that you're a bad idea. <3
11:52- I'm back. Charlie's mom is SO much easier to deal with than T. She's so bitchy. Adam's mom says if I pay partial today I can't get evicted this month so that's kinda helpful. Dad is calling in and they are going to try and convice him to pay the $160.
20 June 2011
Well... Charlie and I talked. I thought things were better. Then last night he came back from his mom's drunk . Took the cat and beer and said he was going to get cigarettes. He came back at 10am this morning. He went to Jenna's to eat pizza and watch a movie... MaryJane, Jason and I rolled (barely) last night. It was a fun light roll. I listened to music most of the night till I hit come down and didn't have Charlie or Luna (my cat). Yeah I laid in bed on ONLY my side of the bed in case Charlie came home and listened to sad love songs. I woke up about 11 and text Charlie who had gone to take his mom lunch to tell him I was leaving. He just said "Life sucks and I need to figure somee things out." So I went to the pool with MaryJane, Jason, and John. We stayed for a couple hours. Charlie came down for awhile in a bad mood. I was in a great mood but super bitchy to him. Eventually I packed all my things from Charlie's and left- then text him goodbye. I think this "breakup" up a relationship that technically never existed is hitting me HARD so I'm going to the club with Kayla and getting drunk. He needs me but he wont admit that. He's so depressed and it's his own damn fault. I want to make it better but he wont let me and it's only hurting me so I'm walking away. Fuck attachments. This is why I don't date or let guys have any important part of me. I refuse to cry. I'm walking away and going to find something better. Someone who deserves my attention who will treat me right and actually care about me adn that person is NOT Charlie!
Clearing things up:
Clearing things up:
- I left some things in his place and had to play capture the flag called Mission Bitch to get them back.
- We stopped even being civil and I started treating him like "not a real person" which... he is a strippper and he then got super turned on.
- So now we may be fuck buddies.... but I don't even have to be nice. It's wonderful.
- John, Hayley, and I are applying for our new apartment this week! I'm SO excited to move!
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